THOUGHTS

Self-portraiture came to me by way of a painting by Chantal Joffe: a bold figure in a drippy red dress whose identity was both obscured and struggling to assert herself. My practice is an examination of the construct(ion) and performance of identity and gender; an exploration of our daily costumes as armor, projection, mirage. Source photos are staged, a conversation with a cell phone and the selfie, then oil paintings to stake a tangible claim in existence. Putting on these costumes is a donning of the Feminine, a targeted approach to fashion a more inclusive visual language that exists outside of the historically dominant masculine and patriarchal lens. A definition of self, however rickety or steadfast it may be, living beyond any binary or box checked definitively on a personality test. Stories or symbolism that hold disparate meanings are welcome companions, embracing the irony of loud prints and colors as human flamboyance against life-saving camouflage in the wild. The varied narratives surrounding the peacock bring comfort: they tell tales of pride but also of royalty. Do we have any more control over how our lives are interpreted? Is this my vanity or my rebirth? Narcissism or my salvation? Perception and reality can be at odds or conjoined, concurrently real and fake. I am creating an environment where it would be safe to show my colors, to still be a wallflower in clashing patterns and the brightest palette imaginable. The paintings spring from a dialogue with the past and present, internal and external influences, a healthy dose of shared stories and mythology, and the struggle to form a cohesive sense of self. The work is emboldened while I fight the urge to hide, trying not to lose myself completely.

March 2024